On Competing
Pre and Post Powerlifting Thoughts
On Jan 28, 2024, I competed in my first powerlifting meet. Being in a bit of a rut prior to the meet and being overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty, I was unable to meet the 6am Sunday publishing timeline I had set for myself. For that, I am disappointed in myself. To make up for this and to also synthesize the moment post meet where there are many prevailing points of reflection going through my head, I wanted to write about my thoughts pre and post meet.
The meet went well. Weighing in at 152 lb, which is relatively light to my training weight of 155-157lb, I set personal records of bench press and deadlift at 248 lb and 440 lb, respectively. Though I failed my final squat attempt at 391 lb, which would have also been a personal record, I came away from the meet with many valuable experiences and insight I wanted to record for the future me to refer back to. Kind of like the post powerlifting meet me talking to a future me, who may be wrapped up in his own turmoil, doubt, and fear.
Completely unedited and written from the heart in 1 hour, these are a series of thoughts for future reference.
Pre meet thoughts
Fear is good. It shows that you care. It shows that you are pushing your limits. It shows you are trying something new. It shows that you are facing the unknown. It shows that you are not asymptomatic to the depth of human emotion. Fear may be the enemy, but it really just a dear friend looking out for you. You may loathe this friend. But this friend is another test of your capabilities and your resolve in the decision to improve and to pursue personal sovereignty. Embrace the fear. Feel the fear. Face the fear.
You can never really over prepare for something. It is important to first check all the boxes of what is definitely required. After these essentials are checked, it is then important to check all the areas which may sprout uncertainty or anxiousness. In times of testing your potential, you are already faced with mountains of uncertainty. Why add more unnecessary uncertainty and anxiousness into the mix? Your focus is on pushing past your limits. And to do so, you should eliminate as many controllable variables as possible. This leaves you to only focus on the testing of your limits and the presence of mind to engage the uncontrollable variables when they do arise. It is almost the world’s nature for plans not to work out completely properly. But there is no hurt in over preparing to a point where you become confident going into the battle at hand.
Post meet thoughts
Things are rarely as hard nor fearful as you often make them out to be. The only way to get an accurate representation for any given desired experience is to actively experience it yourself. No one responds to an experience similarly, for the accumulation of life experience, perspective, and introspective is different for everyone. As such, reading other’s reports are only mere proxies. No amount of blog posts, books, nor videos can fully encapsulate the magnificent instant of the moments present in these experiences. You must go forth and experience it yourself.
Moments where you face the conflicting feelings of confidence and doubt, anticipation and dread, and calmness and intensity are few and far between in everyday life. These are the feelings that arise preceding and during a test of ability- powerlifting for physical, exams for academic, etc. These feelings culminate and are what makes these moments so special- moments that feel like a lifetime but are immediately gone in a flash. In adulthood, these moments are not as frequent as they may be in schooling; these moments must be revered, obsessed, and pursued. It is too easy to let life come and go- to get stuck in daily routine. It is too easy not to commit the effort to test personal physical ability, mental fortitude, academic knowledge, and psychological capabilities. It is also too easy to theorize about pursuing greatness- to watch the greatness of others’ without inspiration towards personal greatness. These moments when you test yourself are to be cherished for they are quite fleeting.
You only truly know your current capabilities by actively testing them- to march forward in the face of fear and doubt in those moments mentioned above. The border of personal capabilities cannot be theorized, for it is not practical. It is often also too difficult to test those capabilities, for life does not require continual operation at the edge of potential. But regardless of difficulty, you must test them. You must try. You must know what you are capable of. And with testing, there is feedback, points of dissatisfaction to improve upon going forward in the continual chase of increasing capabilities. Theorizing of capabilities does not elicit these much needed points of feedback; you are often blind towards your weaknesses, for otherwise they would cease to be weaknesses. You may also unravel seemingly unrelated areas of weakness. These are further opportunities for dedication and improvement.
The joy and satisfaction from testing capabilities and obtaining achievement far surpasses the fleeting happiness elicited from the sedation of superficial entertainment, fruitless partying, and exogenous stimulants. There are insurmountable quantities of pride and confidence sprouting in the conclusion of tests- whether they result in successes or failure. In success, there is the natural feeling of unlimited power; it feels like you can take on anything and emerge victorious. In failure, there is the source of motivation; the hate and immense displeasure in failure drives future success, for the fear of failure is often more powerful than the joy of success. Despite this happiness in testing being infinitely superior than its counterparts, it requires effort and sacrifice to obtain. It is often overwritten as too difficult or too convoluted to obtain. It can be portrayed as too “try hard” or too unnecessary to experience. It is often viewed to be only reserved for the gifted few- the naturally talented, the God anointed, and the young starters. Those are simply excuses. These pieces of joy and satisfaction make life so fulfilling and pushes you to try harder for the next barrier of capabilities and set of achievements. There’s great happiness in this iteration of improvement and achievement that is simply unmatched.
Rest is only truly enjoyed when there is hard work committed and results achieved in the first place. When you rest without any work done, is that truly called rest? Or are you just being lazy? Building off of the joy and the satisfaction with focused rest makes the rest that much more enjoyable- you actually deserve the rest. Yes it is kind for you to give yourself undeserved rest, which is rest after no exerted effort. But this may build weakness. It is far kinder to bite the bullet- to skip rest and to reserve it for when you actually deserve it. It may suck, but, like the immense joy and happiness inspired by achievement, the discipline and the sacrifice are truly worth it.
Achievement has a cascading effect. Setting audacious goals may seem foolish at first, but prove to be valuable when you are encountered by the moment in which they may be obtained. Achievement leads to more achievement. It is a positive re-enforcement cycle that is important to keep on fueling. Be proud of achievements, but do not be satisfied. Be happy of the current experience and anticipate for the many others that now will follow as a result of this occurrence.