The Benefits of Never Starting
The allure of productivity, hopefulness, and current friends
There is something seductive about never starting.
Firstly, I can indefinitely live in a perfect imaginary world and avoid facing present circumstance.
Why put in the time working towards something that may not ever materialize when I can sit within the comforts of my cozy room and fantasize about a life to be lived?
There is a sweet little hit of dopamine without actually completing any work.
If I want an additional hit of dopamine with only minimal effort, I can “prepare” to start, which means doing all the “necessary” research to get going.
Instead of venturing to meet new people (one of my goals this year), I can forever read books about how to get to know a person and search through EventBrite, looking through all the events I can register for.
Never needing to feel uncomfortable when confronting my weaknesses, I can indefinitely procrastinate while feeling awfully productive as I cast myself in my own Rocky montage without making any progress.
Another thing I can avoid by never starting is the disappointment whenever reality does not align with expectations.
The most common association with this is failure. And rightly so, failure sucks.
to me, disappointment is the scariest when real success is reached, but is underwhelming compared with the imaginary success had when starting out.
In this case, the downstream effects of obtaining success are not actualized: a lack of self worth is not fixed, insecurities are not repaired, loneliness is not eliminated but exacerbated.
All the problems that are thought to be solved with success are actually not solved.
This hollows out the upwards aiming hope that makes life feel optimistic.
A quote by Will Smith summarizes this feeling best:
“When I was poor and depressed, I could tell myself more money would fix everything. When I became rich and still depressed, that hope vanished.”
To deepen the despair, when empathy and guidance is sought, the common reaction is judgement and scorn: “how ungrateful are you to achieve all the things I’ve wanted, yet wallow in sadness about your ‘problems’ that have not been fixed.”
Perhaps, the greatest benefit I find of never starting is avoiding what Chris Williamson coins as “the Lonely Chapter.”
This is a period of isolation during self-development marked by outgrowing current friends due to higher aspirations, while desired new friends remain out of reach due to a lack of success that has not been obtained yet.
Unfortunately, this chapter expands into multiple eras if continual goals are set and accomplished.
The benefits of never starting truly are wonderful.
I can keep getting hits of dopamine by exerting minimal effort, not have to grapple with any semblance of disappointment, while continuously feeling stimulated with the company I presently have?
No wonder why so many never start.